Teesside woman opens up about surviving financial abuse
The 63 year-old from Redcar went through coercive control from her ex-partner
A Teesside woman's opening up about being financially abused through coercive control by her ex-partner.
63 year-old Alice, whose name we've changed to protect her identity, was in a 15-year relationship which ended last December.
She's sharing her story with us for the first time to raise awareness about the different types of abuse women can face which aren't just physical or sexual.
Alice says the man racked up £19,000 on her credit cards and claimed her money was his.
She said: "It was easy for him to say 'it's my money' because I couldn't challenge it. He was living a really nice lifestyle on the back of what funds I could provide, despite him saying it's his money.
"For the first few years there was lots of love bombing and always flowers at the end of the week and expensive holidays. But my ex-partner was a very intelligent man, he was very good at what he did and he was at the top of his game. When he became more and more successful that's when it all started going wrong.
"I think, in the beginning he was just a regular guy with a decent salary. He started becoming more successful, then started working away from home, so there was a lot of things that I didn't see that were happening without my knowledge.
"When it came to money, he very often used the term 'it's my money' because any contributions that I made towards the household was always done by cash. There was never a paper trail. My name wasn't on a mortgage, my name wasn't on any utility bills. He had complete control of everything.
"He set up spreadsheets on my computer and every week I would have to fill in these spreadsheets of what spending had gone on, credit cards and stuff like that, stuff that he was always the one to say 'buy this', 'buy that', and it was always done on my credit cards because I've got a really, really good credit rating.
"I've actually got six credit cards. I've got access to over £30,000 on credit cards because of the way he introduced it and debts were always paid. So I had no worries that any spending on credit cards wouldn't get paid because he earned a lot of money.
"Being the CEO of a company was just one of many lies because he was already living a very secret life somewhere else, with someone else, and funding that relationship using my credit cards. And I didn't find out right until the end when my credit cards were racked up to £19,000.
"The whole time he was using my credit cards to build this really fancy place to live in Scotland and I never featured in the plans of living that life with him. You know, using my availability of finance, of funds, was just part of his master plan. And I couldn't challenge him because it was always 'his' money.
"He wasn't very good at looking after money. My credit cards would get used when his own were maxed out but because he worked away from home, he stayed in hotels saying that he needed general living expenses. And when you've been with somebody for 15 years and you're planning that retirement, it's okay, just give them a card, you just hand it over.
"He was dining out for two, really expensive meals, and then there's £800 in tyres on somebody else's car. And just before Christmas, seeing those credit cards just increase, but while he had use of my card, it was also taking £500 out of an ATM, and that would happen multiple times.
"I was a mess. I had to play a long game with him because there was £19,000 on my credit card and I could not go bankrupt. I just hit rock bottom. I couldn't believe it. I was churning inside.
"He was already planning the rest of his life without me. It's very hard when you're with somebody and you ask a question and you just see that look on the face that makes you retreat.
"I must have cried for weeks. I couldn't wake up without thinking what my life had come to through no fault of mine. I was just with a master manipulator. I started with nothing and he left me with nothing."
Alice has been supported by EVA Women's Aid in Redcar and she's urging other victims and survivors to get in touch if they need help.