'Love doesn't end when a baby dies': Suffolk mum's message ahead of Wave of Light
She's encouraging bereaved families to speak openly about their babies, as communities come together for a global evening of remembrance.
Jessica Rudd lost her daughter, Evee, in November 2018 and says the experience changed her life forever.
Now a volunteer befriender and secretary of West Suffolk Sands, she is helping organise events for Baby Loss Awareness Week, which culminates in the annual Wave of Light today. (Thursday 15 October 2026)
The worldwide event sees families light candles at 7pm in memory of babies who have died during pregnancy or shortly after birth.
For Jessica and her husband Sam, it is an opportunity to remember Evee, their daughter who sadly passed in November 2018. She was five months premature. Jess told us it's a chance to stand alongside other families who understand their loss.
"Because our babies may not physically be here with us, but then they are still our children. They're still part of our families and we carry them with us every single day," Jessica told us.
"There's just something incredibly moving about knowing that at 7:00 other families are doing the exact same thing."
'People would just actively avoid seeing me'
Following Evee's death, Jessica says she experienced not only the pain of losing her daughter, but also the difficulty of navigating other people's reactions to her grief.
She recalled friends and acquaintances avoiding her because they appeared unsure of what to say.
"People would just actively avoid seeing me," she said.
"I've been in supermarkets, and I could see somebody down the end of an aisle that would clock me and go to another aisle."
Jessica said those experiences sometimes made her feel unable to speak about her daughter.
"It almost felt like her existence wasn't acknowledged. Also then felt like the grief and pain that we were in just wasn't validated either."
She first discovered West Suffolk Sands shortly after losing Evee and attended her first support meeting in January 2019.
For the first time, she found herself surrounded by people who understood what she was experiencing.
"Straight away, I just felt like I was in a circle of people that really understood me," she said.
"I was in a community of people basically who understood that love doesn't end when a baby dies and that I could say her name and people wouldn't shy away."
The experience inspired Jessica to train as a volunteer befriender in 2021, helping other families navigate bereavement while continuing to honour Evee's memory.
'Don't be afraid to mention them'
Jessica is encouraging people to acknowledge the babies their friends and relatives have lost, even if they are unsure how to approach the conversation.
She said simply admitting that you do not know what to say can be more helpful than avoiding the subject altogether.
"I think if somebody doesn't know what to say or to somebody that's lost a baby, then it can literally be as simple as like, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say."
She believes greater openness could help challenge the stigma and isolation some families experience.
"I'd really like people to understand that baby loss doesn't just affect somebody for a few weeks or days. It's something that families are going to carry with them for the rest of their lives and their love for their baby is never going to disappear.
"I'd also like people to know that it's okay to talk about our babies, ask us their names, remember them with us and don't be afraid to mention them."
West Suffolk prepares for Wave of Light
West Suffolk Sands is organising two remembrance gatherings this week.
The first took place on Wednesday 14 October at West Suffolk Crematorium, near Risby, beginning at 5.30pm.
Families were able to decorate lantern bags, participate in children's crafts, and spend time together at the Meadow Café.
A period of quiet reflection took place in the crematorium's Abbey Chapel at 6.30pm, followed by a balloon release at around 7pm.
Today (Thursday 15 October), families will gather at the Norman Tower in Bury St Edmunds for the global Wave of Light at 7pm.
West Suffolk Sands plans to provide remembrance bags containing LED candles, holders and small gifts for families. Jessica says there are also hopes that the nearby cathedral will be illuminated in pink and blue.
The Wave of Light marks the final day of Baby Loss Awareness Week, with people across different time zones lighting candles at 7pm local time.
Those who cannot attend a public gathering can participate from home by lighting a candle in remembrance.
For Jessica, the shared act of remembrance is especially meaningful.
"Someone, somewhere is going to be lighting a candle for their baby," she said.
"They're probably going to be remembering the future that they imagine for their baby and the memories that they wish they could have made."
Supporting families beyond Baby Loss Awareness Week
West Suffolk Sands provides ongoing support for bereaved families, including an evening support group, family gatherings and a bereavement café.
Jessica said the charity has adapted its activities over the years to reflect the needs of parents, siblings, grandparents and other relatives.
Its family group meets on the second Sunday of each month, while the bereavement café takes place at West Suffolk Crematorium on the third Wednesday of each month.
She is also keen to reassure people whose loss happened many years ago that support remains available.
"Please know that if they're going through this, especially alone, that there are people who understand and organisations like West Suffolk Sands are here to support them," she said.
"And if you're listening and your loss happened years ago as well, that that also is just as valid and you haven't missed your opportunity to ask for help and support."
More information about the Wave of Light and ways to take part is available on the Sands websit