Suffolk parents urged to 'reach out' as research finds many feel overwhelmed after having a baby
Research by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy found 71-percent of parents surveyed felt overwhelmed.
Home-Start Suffolk says new parents should not struggle in silence, as research suggests many feel unprepared for the emotional reality of parenthood.
New parents in Suffolk are being encouraged to talk about how they are feeling and accept offers of support amid concerns about the emotional pressures of becoming a parent.
Research from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), involving more than 2,000 parents with children under three, found that 71% of those surveyed felt overwhelmed by the emotional reality of becoming a parent.
The research also found 39% felt unprepared for the emotional transition to parenthood, compared with 21% who felt unprepared for practical aspects such as birth plans, feeding and baby first aid.
Almost nine in 10 respondents - 88% - said managing their mental health had become harder since having a baby, according to the BACP.
Home-Start Suffolk, which provides support to families across the county, says the findings reflect some of the pressures it sees among parents using its services.
Family Support Manager Alison Grant said social expectations and comparisons with other families could add to the pressure people place on themselves after having a baby.
She said parents can find themselves wondering what they are doing wrong when their experience does not match that of friends or what they see elsewhere.
But she stressed that every baby is different.
“Actually, you're not doing anything wrong,” she said. “It's your baby that's an individual, not the same as anybody else. They're all individual.”
'Reach out, don't struggle in silence'
Ms Grant said one of her key messages to parents experiencing difficulties was to speak openly about how they are feeling.
She said those conversations could be with partners, friends and family or professionals.
“If you can reach out and be brave and say, I'm really, really struggling. This is much harder than I thought,” she said, support could be available through organisations, professionals and parenting groups.
“One of my key messages would be, you know, reach out, don't struggle in silence.”
Ms Grant pointed to support available through services including perinatal mental health teams, health visitors, midwives and family hubs across Suffolk.
Pressure to be the 'perfect' parent
According to the BACP research, almost half of respondents - 47% - said they no longer recognised themselves after becoming parents.
The emotional adjustment to parenthood was identified by 45% as one of their biggest challenges, behind sleep deprivation at 65% and a lack of personal time at 50%.
Ms Grant said Home-Start Suffolk sees parents who may have prepared extensively for the practical side of having a baby but still find the emotional adjustment challenging.
She said parents could also feel pressure from television, magazines, social media and comparisons with friends whose babies are a similar age.
Even people who are accustomed to managing significant responsibilities professionally can find looking after a newborn difficult, she said.
Ms Grant said the unpredictability of a baby could leave some parents feeling anxious and questioning whether they were doing something wrong, when they may simply be learning to understand their baby's individual needs and cues.
Dads can feel 'excluded'
The BACP research also highlighted the experiences of fathers.
According to the organisation's survey, 67% of dads said they often hid how they were feeling because they believed they needed to remain strong for their family.
Ms Grant said Home-Start Suffolk's previous work with fathers had found some felt heavily involved during pregnancy, including attending scans and antenatal appointments, but could feel less included once their baby arrived when support was predominantly directed towards the primary carer.
She encouraged couples to talk about their roles and to make sure both partners have opportunities to develop their relationship with their baby.
“Your relationship is massively going to be affected when you have a new baby and it's learning what the new norm for you as a couple and the roles that you both play,” she said.
Accepting help
Home-Start Suffolk has more than 200 trained volunteers and provides telephone, home-visiting and group support to families across the county where there is a child aged up to 12.
Ms Grant said something as simple as allowing somebody to look after a baby while a parent takes a shower can help restore a sense of normality and control.
She said the charity's volunteers aim to listen without judgement and acknowledge that, while parenthood can be positive, it can also be tiring and challenging.
Home-Start Suffolk also runs Mums in Mind, a 10-week programme for women during the first year of their baby's life.
According to Ms Grant, the programme combines activities including infant massage with sessions focusing on parents' own wellbeing, including sleep, exercise, diet, relaxation and social interaction.
She said more than 80% of parents attending those sessions tell the charity that anxieties they had before taking part have “pretty much gone”, with participants often finding reassurance from meeting others experiencing similar challenges.
Her final advice to parents is to accept help when it is offered, while maintaining control over what works for them and their baby.
“Never say no to offers of help and support,” she said.
“It's your baby. So don't let other people come in and, you know, take over a situation and scenario.”