The day the music stopped: Wife of Borders Big Band founder opens up on devastating impact of dementia - and reveals why there is hope
'We still love each other deeply, and we still manage to have some joy in our lives...'
He was a founding member of the Borders Big Band, as well as being a respected bridge engineer.
And built a loving life with his wife at home in Peebles.
But, five years ago, Mike Westwater was diagnosed with mixed dementia - a combination of Alzheimer's disease and vascular dementia.
And retired teacher Jean revealed it robbed her husband of many of his passions.
The 72-year-old is sharing details of her experience, as the 82-year-old's carer, to mark Dementia Awareness Week, and highlight the help available.
"The most difficult part for me has been to see the man I love, admire and respect lose all his abilities and all the pleasure he got from life," Jean told Greatest Hits Radio.
"As well as doing a job he loved, Mike also had a second career as a musician. He was a founder member of the Borders Big Band, played with them for nearly 30 years, ran his own jazz band and performed with several others.
"The dementia took that musical ability away from him. He lost the wonderful pleasure he had from music for all of his life. So, that's been very sad to see."
Jean says the condition has affected many other aspects of Mike's life, including hobbies and practical skills he once enjoyed.
"He can't do the gardening, he can't do the DIY he used to do, and he feels he has no purpose and that life has no meaning," she said. "To see somebody you love dealing with those difficult emotions on a daily basis is very difficult for a carer."
Despite the challenges, Jean says they continue to find ways to live well together.
"It can be lonely, and very frightening and very worrying," she said. "Sometimes you don't know how to help, what the future holds or how to deal with new symptoms and behaviours when they appear."
She credits local support organisations with helping both her and Mike navigate the realities of dementia.
"The Borders Carers Centre in Galashiels has been brilliant," she said. "They provide information, free counselling, courses and sources of help. The best thing for me has been meeting other people in similar situations, sharing worries and getting advice from those who understand what you're going through."
The couple have also benefited from the work of Dementia Friendly Tweeddale, a community organisation in Peebles that recently became a registered charity.
What began a few years ago as simple social gatherings with board games for people living with dementia has grown into a dedicated meeting centre based on a successful Dutch model.
"It's like a social club for people living with dementia, their carers and families," Jean explained. "We do exercise, cognitive stimulation activities and, most importantly, we have a lot of fun."
The organisation also runs regular tea dances and a memory café, helping people affected by dementia stay connected and supported within their community.
For Mike, meeting others living with dementia has proved invaluable.
"It's great for him to talk to other people about their dementia journey," Jean said.
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While acknowledging the difficulties of caring for someone with dementia, Jean is keen to share a message of hope with other carers.
"There are compensations and there are joys," she said. "Mike and I still love each other deeply and we still manage to have joy in our lives."
She believes one of the biggest barriers remains the stigma surrounding dementia and encourages people to seek help when they need it.
"The hard bit is putting your hand out and saying, 'I need a little help' or asking for guidance," she said. "But honestly, if you reach out, life can be better, life can still go on, and there is still joy to be had."
The Borders Dementia Working Group meets monthly around the Scottish Borders and is particularly seeking new members for its Galashiels group.
It's keen to hear from people who want their voices heard and would benefit from using their experience for positive change, and accessing friendship, activities, and mutual support.
Anyone interested in finding out more and coming along, can contact Borders Dementia Working Group via www.borderscarevoice.org.uk, Â call 01896 757290, or search for Borders Care Voice on Facebook.
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